Audio Version on Soundcloud:
Sometimes I forget that I’m fat
until I’m faced with a photo
that reminds me of my mass
(and how can you have
this much mass,
and so little ass?)
That’s crass, I know, so
let me get back to the point
Aching joints aside, it’s easy
to hide behind my own nose
Looking out from up here
I can still see my toes,
so that’s good, right?
And everyone has such great advice
“Skip the sodas bro!” and
“Just eat veggies and rice!”
and that’s nice, but it seems like
my body just doesn’t work the same anymore
I skip sodas and carbs and work out
til I’m sore, and nothing
the scale pegged at three hundred
and more, and god dammit
I didn’t even eat that much this week
And I hate that the mass matters
people judge you more harshly the fatter
you get, (rightly, I think, when I’m feeling
regret for my size), thick thighs and round
boobs ain’t a good look for a dude, just sayin’.
My hugs are legit.
And my heart is in the right place
Although possibly enlarged
And I’ll barge into a conversation with
Love and sincere interest as big
As this carcass I carry around
So, maybe that’s it.
Maybe I wouldn’t be so grounded if I’d found myself
As a middle aged fashion model, surfing Tinder
As a digital nomad and popping bottles
Hash tag #LovingLife checking in in Monte Carlo
Fit Nation yo, flexing my abs in a mirror for my
Followers, swallowed up in self admiration
Cameo with Post Malone singing congratulations
And an insatiable need for validation for an
Ever increasing ego, and we all know how that ends, right?
Well, I mean, not really, since we don’t live that life.
Or maybe, I just need to make peace with me
And see what happens when you face your demons
Turn face first into the screaming void in your soul
Brave the cold and be bold enough to make yourself
Whole, and pay the tolls of your history, solve your
Mysteries, and oh shit did this verse get dark.
Nah. I just don’t know. Maybe I’ll never get to be an after picture
Holding old pants out in fad diet pitches, maybe the
Switch never flips, and I’m an old fat dude eating chips
In a solar eclipse (I totally said that just to rhyme)
Maybe I’m stuck here, looking out from these eyes feeling
Like the same slim dude I once was, but wearing a flesh
Suit that looks like a lost cause
And if that’s how I stay, am I OK with that?
It’s a mother fucker being fat.